Additional ReadingEmpathic acknowledging--a blend of empathy, listening skills, and acknowledgments--sometimes affects the emotional intimacy of two people involved in a conversation. Before proceeding with the reading suggestions, here is some information which you may find useful at this point:
Below are a few references. If they are not useful to you or if you want even more information, please be informed that there is plenty of it. Unfortunately, much of it is buried in literature on other subjects. For example, five of the following six books are not entirely about empathic acknowledging. ooo Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People: Revised Edition (New York: Pocket Books, 1982). Part One, Chapter 1; Part Two, Chapters 4 and 5; Part Three, Chapters 2, 6, 8, and 9. Although I recall never seeing the word "empathy" in the book, the above chapters do describe the activity of empathizing. The other 23 chapters do not emphasize empathic acknowledging but they are relevant because they radiate an aura of respect for people's opinions, interests and feelings. This book is rich with anecdotes and offers sound and easy-to-understand suggestions. First published in 1937, it is arguably the progenitor of self-help books and the most popular one of this century (at least 15 million copies sold). ooo Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1989). The chapter titled "Habit 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood: Principles of Empathic Communication." My favorite portion of this chapter is about an adolescent discussing his dislike of school with his father (pages 245-251). It presents a conversation in which the father responds with empathy and another in which he responds without empathy. This book is arguably the most popular (10 million copies), influential and substantial self-help book of the 1990s. ooo Gerald Goodman and Glenn Esterly, The Talk Book: The Intimate Science of Communicating in Close Relationships (Emmaus, Pennsylvania: Rodale Press, 1988). Chapters 2 and 8. These chapters contain an in-depth presentation on the subject of reflecting/acknowledging. Goodman is a psychology professor with expertise in helping self-help group members to communicate effectively. This book is grounded in research, clearly written, minimizes jargon, and aims to inform laypersons. ooo Michael P. Nichols, The Lost Art of Listening (New York: Guilford Press, 1995). Entire book. Written for the layperson by a psychology professor experienced in doing psychotherapy, this book is comprehensive, sophisticated and rich with easy-to-understand examples. You are likely to find a gem even if you read only 5 or 10 pages at a time from any place in this book. ooo Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1980). Chapter 1. Experiences in Communication. This chapter by an internationally renowned psychologist includes information about the essence of empathy, listening skills, and acknowledgments. His research and publications more than any one else's have helped me understand and appreciate the benefits of this special way of being with people. I dub Rogers "the father of empathic acknowledging." ooo Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Del Mar, CA: PuddleDancer Press, 1999) This book is about both talking and listening. The portions on listening use a different method than I use but I include this book to help broaden your perspective on empathic acknowledging. Rosenberg focuses on empathizing with and stating one's understanding of the other person's feelings, wants, and needs. My focus is wider--on feelings, wants, needs, perceptions, attitudes, opinions, and beliefs. To find the dedications and thank you's for this website on empathy, listening skills, acknowledgments, and emotional intimacy, click on Appreciations. NOTE: Reading the table of contents will help you understand the following links, which appear on every page of this website:
If you liked this site, e-mailing me your thanks will reward me for creating it and help sustain my motivation to keep it going for future visitors.
Empathy, Listening Skills, and Relationships is a short version of this website. Listening Skills and Relationships is a discussion board which includes messages from me and my responses to messages from others. To read or post messages, you do not have to register. Visit the board to read questions and answers, ask or answer questions, share experiences, etc. Empathy contains a description of a conversation with a United States Copyright Office representative during which I used empathy. Listening Skills contains a description of listening to my wife talk about her grocery shopping trips. Communication Skills illustrates my use of nonverbal "listening skills" during a conversation to assess whether the other person is receiving my message. Listening Skills Professional explains why I advocate that society establish the profession of empathic listener as a profession separate and independent from that of psychotherapist. Empathy and Listening Skills illustrates the difference between understanding the information the other person is saying to you versus understanding the meaning to her of saying the information. Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2005 by Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph.D. |