Empathic acknowledging--a blend of empathy, listening skills, and acknowledgments--sometimes affects the emotional intimacy of two people involved in a conversation. Before proceeding with this chapter, here is some information which you may find useful at this point:

• The table of contents contains a brief description of every chapter.
• There is a short version of this website on empathy and listening skills.
• I, Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph.D., am the author of this website.
• I run a discussion board on the subject of this website.

Now to present the benefits for the acknowledger as contrasted with the benefits for the talker covered in the last chapter. This presentation is important because I believe that people are much less informed about the benefits for the acknowledger as compared with the benefits for the talker.

Providing information about the benefits for the acknowledger may help accomplish the primary goal of this website--to motivate its readers to use more empathy, listening skills, and acknowledging. Some of the possible benefits are:

• absorbing some of the joy of a person who is excitedly relating a joyous experience

• being prized by a conversation partner for giving him an opportunity to talk about something that matters to him

• feeling good about giving a loved one an opportunity to talk about something that matters to him

• avoiding a quarrel with a conversation partner because of carefully summarizing his opinion before presenting your disagreement with it

• being listened to more carefully because you listen carefully to the other person before you talk

• learning about lifestyles radically different from yours

• broadening your horizons from listening with empathy to people whose values are radically different from yours
  DOWN TO LINKS

• feeling hugged by the talker. This benefit will be explained by examining the illustration of Anita empathically acknowledging Tanya's communications about Tanya's relationship with Ben.

  Tanya feels affectionately touched by Anita's empathy, listening skills, and acknowledging, to which she responds the way many people would--by feeling valued by Anita and affection for her. These feelings embolden Tanya to speak from her heart to Anita.

  At this point in their interaction, how might Anita respond? Enabling her friend Tanya to open up emotionally pleases Anita and warms her heart. Receiving Tanya's affection and words from the heart leads her to feel affectionately touched by Tanya, to which she responds by feeling valued by Tanya, affection for her, and connected with her.

  The conclusion is that Tanya's response to Anita's empathic acknowledging stimulates a similar set of feelings in Anita. Each feels hugged by the other and each one's heart is open to the other, and they experience a precious moment of heart-to-heart connection.

• speaking from the heart to the talker. We again return to the conversation between Tanya and Anita. When Tanya responds to Anita's empathic acknowledging by speaking from the heart to her, Anita might feel less inhibited about doing the same. All of us have had conversations in which we were able to talk freely after the other person shifted from talking warily to talking freely, and we then experienced a rare interlude of heart-to-heart communication.

Conclusion:ooo  The essence of this chapter is captured by the following statement:

Empathically acknowledging another personcan touch the person's heart.

To follow the unfolding of this website on empathy, listening skills, acknowledgments, and emotional intimacy, read Chapter 5. Controlling the Urge to Help next.

NOTE: Reading the table of contents will help you understand the following links, which appear on every page of this website:

HOME

CONTENTS

WARNING

INTRODUCTION

1. EMP. ACK.

2. PSYCH. HUG

3. BENEFITS I

4. BENEFITS II

5. URGE TO HELP

6. URGE TO TALK

7. BASIC SKILLS

8. EXPLN. SKILLS

9. DIFFICULTIES

10. ESSNL. ACK.

11. WHEN ACK.

NOTES

ADDNL. READING

APPRECIATIONS

AUTHOR

If you liked this site, e-mailing me your thanks will reward me for creating it and help sustain my motivation to keep it going for future visitors.

My Other Websites on Empathy and Listening Skills

Empathy, Listening Skills, and Relationships is a short version of this website.

Listening Skills and Relationships is a discussion board which includes messages from me and my responses to messages from others. To read or post messages, you do not have to register. Visit the board to read questions and answers, ask or answer questions, share experiences, etc.

Empathy contains a description of a conversation with a United States Copyright Office representative during which I used empathy.

Listening Skills contains a description of listening to my wife talk about her grocery shopping trips.

Communication Skills illustrates my use of nonverbal "listening skills" during a conversation to assess whether the other person is receiving my message.

Listening Skills Professionals Listen Empathically -1 explains why I advocate that society establish the profession of empathic listener as a profession separate and independent from that of psychotherapist.

Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2005 by Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph.D.