Empathy, Listening Skills,
and Touching Another Heart

3. Benefits for the Talker

Empathic acknowledging--a blend of empathy, listening skills, and acknowledgments--sometimes affects the emotional intimacy of two people involved in a conversation. Before proceeding with this chapter, here is some information which you may find useful at this point:

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Now to begin the presentation on benefits for the person talking: Chapter 2. Psychological Hug explained why someone who is being empathically acknowledged might sometimes feel like he is being hugged. This, of course, is but one of several possible benefits for the talker. There are other benefits, such as:

  • re-experiencing joy, such as Tanya did when describing her gratifying dating activities with Ben (Chapter 2)

  • making sense of a puzzling experience from "bouncing" ideas off someone who listens without giving analyses or advice

  • becoming aware of an unconscious feeling from opening up in response to being listened to with empathy and without interruption or criticism 1

  • experiencing relief from distress, such as Tanya did from Anita listening to her talk about her inability to declare her love of Ben to him

  • obtaining relief from health problems, such as asthma, insomnia and headaches 2
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  • ending a conflict about a decision. After being absent from work for a week from the flu, I informed my wife, Louise, in the evening, that I was feeling well enough to return the next day. The evening progressed into morning but my recovery regressed. My malaise was worsened by my becoming upset about not feeling well enough to work.

    "I'm frustrated," I complained to Louise. "I've been out too long but can't decide whether or not to go back to work tomorrow."

    "Stay home another day," she said. "Make sure you're well before you go back or you'll soon get sick again."

    Her unsolicited advice irritated me, which she noticed and which prompted her to respond by acknowledging my experience: "I know you're disappointed that you still don't feel well enough to go back to work."

    I immediately responded to her acknowledgment by no longer feeling irritated and ending my conflict between wanting to return to work but not feeling well enough. I then had no trouble deciding to stay home another day.

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  • feeling less alone with a problem. During Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, alcoholics talk more freely about their drinking problem than they would with most people. During meetings of a support group for relatives of mentally ill persons, the members talk more freely about their struggles to help their ill loved ones.

    I believe that a major reason support groups are popular is that members feel less alone with their problem because of the opportunities to talk about it with people who listen with empathy.

Conclusion:ooo  This chapter concludes with the following statement about what I believe are two woefully neglected yet compelling human needs:

Empathic acknowledging can satisfy
people's needs
to reveal aspects of their inner world to others
and
to have their revelations acknowledged.3

To follow the unfolding of this website on empathy, listening skills, acknowledgments, and emotional intimacy, read Chapter 4. Benefits for the Acknowledger next.

NOTE: Reading the table of contents will help you understand the following links, which appear on every page of this website:

HOME CONTENTS WARNING INTRODUCTION 1. EMP. ACK. 2. PSYCH. HUG 3. BENEFITS I
4. BENEFITS II 5. URGE TO HELP 6. URGE TO TALK 7. BASIC SKILLS 8. EXPLN. SKILLS 9. DIFFICULTIES
10. ESSNL. ACK. 11. WHEN ACK. NOTES ADDNL. READING APPRECIATIONS AUTHOR

If you liked this site, e-mailing me your thanks will reward me for creating it and help sustain my motivation to keep it going for future visitors.

My Other Websites on Empathy and Listening Skills

Empathy, Listening Skills, and Relationships is a short version of this website.

Listening Skills and Relationships is a discussion board which includes messages from me and my responses to messages from others. To read or post messages, you do not have to register. Visit the board to read questions and answers, ask or answer questions, share experiences, etc.

Empathy contains a description of a conversation with a United States Copyright Office representative during which I used empathy.

Listening Skills contains a description of listening to my wife talk about her grocery shopping trips.

Communication Skills illustrates my use of nonverbal "listening skills" during a conversation to assess whether the other person is receiving my message.

Listening Skills Professionals Listen Empathically -1 explains why I advocate that society establish the profession of empathic listener as a profession separate and independent from that of psychotherapist.

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Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2005 by Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph.D.